If someone is chronically anxious about murderers, then it is almost certain that they are also acting in a defensive way, such as checking for possible murderers (under the bed), or avoiding situations where there may be murderers (dark alleys). It is this constant acting as if you are in danger that makes our anxiety worse.
Anxiety is a primitive defense mechanism that does not understand the world, but guesses from our actions whether or not the world is safe.
- If you keep acting as if there are murderer around, your anxiety gets stronger to help you do a good job of checking for murderers.
- Consequently, if you stop looking for murderers, the anxiety initially will get stronger, just to remind you that you are supposed to be checking.
- But if you continue to check less often, (and survive!), the anxiety will eventually get weaker, as you keep acting as if you are relatively safe.
- This means living for a while with a mismatch of feeling a little anxious, but acting as if you are safe.
- If you work on this approach daily, the anxiety has no choice but to eventually go to sleep, as you act as if the world is not full of murderers.
- As most writers suggest, you need to this very gradually, otherwise the anxiety will get too strong, and you will end up checking again.
This technique is called Graded Exposure and Response Prevention, and has been researched by neuroscientists and behavior therapists for the last 60 years. There are many self-help descriptions on the internet of how to do use this technique successfully. This technique is extremely effective in any area where one’s fear is out of line with reality.
A few further points about anxiety:
- I am saying that there is nothing wrong your anxiety mechanism.
- It is not disordered.
- You, through your defense behaviors, have taught it that the world is full of murderers And it believed you!
- Now, you have to surprise the anxiety by acting as if the world is safe.
- Through your new behaviors, you have to show it that murderers are very few and far between.
With time and gentle persuasion, it will eventually believe your new behaviors. Remember to look at anxiety as your friend.
- It is your bodyguard.
- It is your early warning system.
- Stop making it work overtime!